I love birthdays! In fact, I usually have a big birthday bash but this year I am feeling a little quiet, a little more contemplative. As a gift to both myself and to my followers, I have special surprises lined up in the month of November. Think of it as a little sunshine coming from my keyboard to your screen. A dose of quirky humor and a whole lot of moxy! Dive inside my head for a virtual our of Cara 2.0!
If you use Periscope (live streaming interactive video chats), you can find me a few times a week broadcasting with a motivational group called #Peri10k. I feel so “with it” to be using this technology! I actually was on Periscope before my kids were – an AWESOME feeling. Yes, I proudly still use AOL account but my Periscope account balances it out! Retro and Hip, right?
Happy Birthday to me! I wish us all an abundance of the “5 C’s”:
If you enjoy reading My Girlfriend Voice, I would be very appreciative if you signed up to follow me by email — the link is towards the upper right hand corner of the web page. I promise not to SPAM you! I won’t sell your email address unless you make me really angry. Ha!
With giggles and mucho moxy,
I’ve worked in sales for twenty years so I am used to rejection. I audition for voice over gigs almost daily. It is uber competitive. Again, I am used to rejection. I celebrate the process—I really do!
Now I am experiencing rejection in another dimension, my love life. It sucks big time.
First let me vent. If you use an on-line dating service and someone takes the time to write you an email, please respond EVEN IF it is to say no thank you. I can’t believe that these guys have hundreds of responses to wade through. Where are people’s manners? Thank you. I feel better now.
I took the plunge and expressed interest in a man and after an incredible first date, we still haven’t connected for our second date. There is a steady stream of texts assuring me of his interest.
“Maybe you are just not that appealing to him, you know or maybe he already has a girlfriend?” WTF? These are the words of an old voice, but a voice new to this blog. Let me introduce you to Nikki Not Good Enough. She is perfect in every way–it is me that is not good enough. I thought I left her behind at a previous address but she’s baaaaaaaack!
Yes. Nikki Not Good Enough is an old acquaintance. She’s quite familiar as we spent the first forty years of my life together. My Girlfriend Voice taught me a new strategy for dealing with her and for Perky Penny Perfectionist and all those other “biatches” that haunt my head. I talk back.
“Well, Nikki, at least I recognize my discomfort. That’s progress! Am I sulking and hopeless waiting on a man? Hell no!” I shake my fist triumphantly in the air!
“Now let’s look at Mr. Chemistry. He did say he would be available to date in March and it is only the 11th. I told him to call me when he was ready and available. If he doesn’t call then it is his loss. So Nikki, I am in perfect control of this situation. “
She says, “Well if he was really in to you he would make the time.”
Ouch. The thought had crossed my mind.
I calmly reply, “I am not going to read into anyone’s behavior but my own. This is what I control. This is what I own.”
I see a pattern here. The two men I had long term relationships with were dependent on my loving care and attention but they were incapable of reciprocating. Last fall I fell hard for someone who turned out was still in a long distance relationship.
It is really no surprise that I am triggered to feel less than good enough in the dating scene. I have been the giver and not the receiver. At fifty and fabulous, this is going to stop. If Mr. Chemistry does come a calling, I will trust MGV to guide me and by the way, Nikki– you can go now! Bye bye.
From the heart,
What a night! Attending a dinner party on a school night seemed like such an illicit affair! Delicious food and even more delicious company! We sat at the dining room table and used the good china! I wouldn’t have cared if we had been served frozen waffles on paper plates. I am grateful for the opportunity to relax and enjoy each other’s company.
There was a spiritual kinship amongst the guests; five women who have reinvented themselves at least once if not twice in their lives. Women who shine because they possess the fine quality of being authentic; comfortable in the skin they embody.
At 7pm, a gong sound rang out and our “Hostess with the Mostess” let us in on a wonderful new practice. At the same time every day, the gong sound reminds her to stop and say a blessing for her friends. WOW—uber cool!
She learned of this practice while visiting a college friend and wanted to pass it along to us. This is the ultimate “hostess gift”. If you have read some of my previous blog posts, you know I proselytize the “power of the pause”!!! I absolutely love it this idea and thought I’d pass it along to you.
Let me share a few more notes from our gathering. We agreed that kindness never gets old. We discussed the importance of a “friendship network” and how confidence is the sexiest quality in a person.
Remember the phrase, “Be careful what you wish for!” I am a firm believer that the intentions you put out to the Universe will be answered but I was advised that the intentions I speak of may not be specific enough. Holy smokes, thank you. As a result, I made an appointment with the Universe today and restated my intentions in very specific terms! Phew.
I am reminded of a story where a blind man was granted one wish. You would imagine he would ask for his sight but his wish was as follows and I paraphrase, “I wish to be standing on the roof of my mansion, covered in gold, watching my many grandchildren play in the vast garden.” Was he greedy? Maybe but the moral of the story is to ask for exactly what you want. Just sayin!
Today I felt a renewed sense of creativity. Was it the result of the gathering? YES! The people you surround yourself with can lift you up or drain you. Be selective with your time.
You are your most valuable resource.
Thank you, ladies!
From the heart,
Photo credit: spiritsentient.com
For many years when I to had to tackle a huge task, especially a stressful situation, I would resort to my super hero powers. I channeled something to the likes of Xena Warrior Princess. I’d have the grit and energy of a fierce mama bear protecting her cubs but I’d be glowing sexy hot donning a leather skirt and bikini top. Fighting for the greater good while kicking ass!
When I wasn’t channeling Xena, I comfortably fell into my other mode; the Gumby mode. Gumby was cute and flexible and a perfect shade of green. Gumby bends over backward with ease, happily putting others needs in front of his/her own. BUT when I became Gumby, I’d ultimately stretch myself too thin and become no good to anyone. Flexibility was a exhausting!
There was no middle mode or neutral gear. I was either Xena or Gumby or kinda of blank; lights on but no one home. Emotions were tucked away for another time because I had little time (or desire) to feel unsettled. It was quite exhausting to jump from one extreme to the other but I knew no other way. It wasn’t like my friends and I were talking about these things. We all had perfect lives; or so we thought.
Attention please: That was then and this is now. Xena and Gumby have been retired!
Giving myself permission to operate differently was the first step in this transformation. It required a leap of faith! I was venturing outside of a comfortable operating system and playing around with an unvalidated update! I had to believe that I had the capacity and the ability to deal with a wider range of emotions. I had to willingly sit with my emotions; even the ones that are uncomfortable. I vowed to remain openhearted and committed.
Happily I discovered that my new operating system included a super hero power which I affectionately call, “THE FORCE”. The force is like a blanket of reassurance which grounds me while at the same time, unveils a vast resource of possibility. I feel an energy surge around me, whispering “slow down”. I am able to weigh the options and remain authentic; objective and compassionate. I don’t have to become a warrior because my power is confident, quiet and as such is far more effective.
Is learning a new skill easy? Heck no. Operating in a new mode is like learning a new skill. It takes practice so I have to remind myself all the time to focus on my progress. I am not going to beat myself up striving for perfection. I allow myself to feel and there are times when I am overwhelmed so I have to take a break to refresh myself by not thinking or feeling anything at all. Other times I embrace the FORCE and let the whoop ass fly!
The Force helps me find WHAT IS TRUE. Isn’t that what really matters– the TRUTH?
I know, you are probably wondering...