Dancing with my Demon
What a &#$^%#$&* week this has been — lesson after lesson reinforcing that I have to accept what is out of my control. I hate it. I hate the way I feel.
Sadly, I am watching someone close to me self-destruct. Despite multiple opportunities, much love and attention, this person is on a wild trajectory. While I know his journey has nothing to do with me, there are days when I would gladly trade places just to give him a sense of peace and direction; some stillness in his crazy world.
Turning the focus inward, my biggest personal demon is the need for control.
Believing I am in control reduces the chances of being stupid or disappointed, right?
DUH, sadly it is just a big fat set up!!! Control has many downsides. Overly preparing for every scenario precludes spontaneity and natural learning not to mention FUN and deep feeling. My control and probably yours too, is driven by fear. I fear looking stupid. I fear feeling disappointed. I fear getting hurt. I fear being lied to. I FEAR.
Dancing with my Demon
One of my strategies for fighting the need for be in control is mitigated by taking dancing lessons which require partnering. With dance, the body retains form but the soul must relax enough to feel the music. The more I tune into my partner, the better I dance. Listening, feeling and then trusting my partner to lead the dance is intoxicatingly seductive. A good carrot at the end of the stick!
Another thing I fear is Alzheimer’s disease. Losing my memory and the ability to care for myself frightens me more than any other disease. A really amazing opportunity fell into my lap which I couldn’t help but appreciate it’s larger cosmic significance. A local volunteer group called to see if I was willing to work with early stage Alzheimer’s patients. For an hour a week, I will read aloud and facilitate a discussion group. People struggling to stay present, to remember their name and simple details of their life will be MY teachers, demonstrating not only the importance of living in the moment but the ability to receive help.
Control fools you into believing that you can shape the reactions and actions of others.
NOT! Control is an “ultimate distraction” because it keeps me from looking at my own behavior. Fear makes you think you know better; you know more! Jach Pursel of Lazarus.com writes, “In the consensus reality, there are those who live control. They have no idea (and don’t care to know) of its devastation. They don’t care to know the damage that it can do, the successes it can sabotage, the hopes it can dash, the dreams it can destroy. They don’t want to have anything to do with looking at how it fuels and fosters so much of the denial and the resistance they have. They don’t want to...
CategoriesAll Categories #49thbirthday #accentuatethepositive #aclu #addictedtodrama #affirmations #ageless #ahamoment #airportstories #alistergirlfriends #allow #allpersonsarecreatedequal #antihate #askforhelp #beauty #begentle #beherenow #bekind #bepresent #bodypositive #brokenpeople #bruisedheart #celebrate #charlottesville #classiccara #climbingoutofdarkness #codependentrelationships #communication #empowerment #healthyrelationships #wecantallbethesame #communicationstrategies #communicationwithcoworkers #confidenceisbeautiful #consequencesofbeingyou #dontgiveupthefight #ihavearighttobeme #advocacy #resilience #opioidepidemic #fiercemama #consistentlycara #controleverythingenjoynothing #controlfreak #crackingmyselfupagain #doitmyway #doodleinstitute #emotionalexercise #emotionallyunavailable #emptynester #enablingbadbehavior #feardrivestheneedforcontrol #findyourhappy #findyourvoice #followyourdreams #forgiveforyoursake #forgiveyourself #fourtypesoffriends #friendshipdemystified #gentlegiant #giftgiving #givetime #gratitude #emotionalhealth #gratitudegains #groundedingratitude #happinesshasnoshelflife #happinessisachoice #happinessisaninsidejob #happynewyear #hatecrimes #hatersgonnahate #highonhope #holdingagrudge #humandecency #iamresponsibleformyhappiness #intersectionofvulerabilityandempowerment #itsoktosayno #leavingthecomfortzone #letgoofthepast #lettinggo #lisasonoraartist #doodledaily #listenin #liveinthemoment #loseyournegativity #lovingmyself #makenewfriends #maytheforcebewithyou #merntalhealth #mindbodyconnection #mrrogers #mygirlfriendvoice #mygirlfriendvoice #comingtotherescue #myhappinesslingers #mysuperpower #nami #newbeginnings #nomoretears #nonviolentcommunication #officepolitics #over50female #pauseforpoise #payitforward #peri10k #personalresponsibility #practicegratitude #questioneverything #quietpower #respondnotreact #riseup #seedsofhope #selfawareness #selfcare #selflove #setboundaries #shareasmile #shinebright #showappreciation #sittingindiscomfort #slowdown #soulsister #splc #stampoutstigma #starttheconversation #stopfuturetripping #stopthestigma #stressfultimes #takeatimeout\ #teachingmoment #cowardsmakememad #thebestgiftforanyone #theblamegame #theinnercritic #theriskisworththereward #thinkbig #thriftshopping #tomorrowisneverguaranteed #totalwellness #transformation #divorce #uncertainty #unity #vulnerabilityisthenewblack #wakeupgrateful #wardrobemalfunction #whiteprivilege #whodoyoucallat2am #wormycoward #wrapmeinreassurance #youarebeautiful #youcandoanything #youcanthaveitall #yummytocrummy 10 daily mantras for empowerment 4 questions 415-617-5291 4th grade fail 50th birthday a can of whoop ass a letter to my son a love letter to yourself a new way of being a positive mindset accentuate the positive accepting your divine gift addiction adversity advice advice & strategies affirmations ah hah moment anger seeds resentment anniversary celebration anti-racist anxiety art art journal art therapy attention seeking awareness barter battling the inner critic be the primary character in the story of your life. beautification beauty becoming more visible being alone being present benefit of the doubt best version of myself bipoc birthday body and breath brave doesn't have to be big bravely listen to your inner voice breath broke open broken heart building a community building inner wisdom cakeover cancer career catch you on the flip side good buddy! cbt celebrate diversity celebrate not celibate celebrating courage and resilience celebration change chasing validation checking in childhood memories choices choke under pressure christmas christmas parties clarity communication comparison queen compassion compelled to do more concealed weapons confessional confidence connection contentment coolville corona virus count your blessings courage courageous dialogue covid-19 cracking yourself up craig's list creating space dance darlene versak death decade of drama decorating delays depression is real destress developmentally different diamondeyes dirty laundry disabilities distractions diversity divorce divorced with kids do gooders do people change? don miguel ruiz don't bottle up your emotions don't quit don’t be drama queen eliminate stress embrace uncertainty emotional awareness emotional baggage emotional cleanse emotional cleansing emotional exits emotional recalibration emotional rollercoaster emotionally unavailable emotions emotions & emotional inventory empowerment end of the year review endhate equity ericadams1970 excuses expansion fabulous family father's day fear fear disguised as control fear holds you hostage fear is holding you back fear of failure fed up feel it all feeling expansive feeling optimistic feelings find your voice find yourself finding beauty finding beauty everywhere finding confidence finding gratitude in the moment finding your power fine wine fixer upper relationships focused on the truth forgiveness fracles free advice free gift friendship from me to you fun garbage in garbage out gardening general girl power girlfriend chats girly girl glass ceiling go with the flow goals god box gratitude gratitude list grief grudge guarantee guest blogger guest bloggers guide for a good life guided meditation happiness happiness is my responsibility happy birthday hate free hate my body hater haters gonna hate having it all healthy boundaries heart of a warrior woman helicopter parents high school reunion holiday stress honesty hope housekeeping how big is your brave? how will people remember you? humor i am i am a human washing machine i am a work of art. i don't care what you think i eve everything you think i see you i will be heard. i will be seen. if you're happy and you know it thank your ex inclusion inner critic inner mentor inner voice integrity invite happiness to linger isolation it takes courage to be you it's a good thing i like you it's ok to cry judgment kaleidoscope karen schlaegel kindness labor of love laugh at yourself laughter learning from the past leave your comfort zone leaving your comfort zone lessie miller letting go letting go of expectations letting go of the past letting the past go life after divorce life is short light up the room limit your negative thinking living authentically living in the moment living in yesterday living on contingency lmao looking back to where i began looking forward to my future lortnoc loss of a parent love love me outloud love mom love yourself-no great gift low self-esteem manage your inner critic manifesting manifesto men mental wellness mind maintenance mindset matters modeling good behavior moms and daughters monkey mind more than a pretty face mothers mother’s and daughters mother’s day move it! moving on after divorce mr. rogers my girlfriend voice my letting go ceremony my own worst critic my tank ran dry mystical machu picchu need for control need to vent negative thinking new beginnings new orleans new year new you no blame games no regrets not good enough nothing more badass than loving who you are numbing older and wiser on-line dating opiodcrisis opposites attract our new normal outsourcing discomfort overachiever overwelmed parenting parents patience pause pause and prioritize pausing for poise perfectionism perfectly imperfect badass periscope personal power personal responsibility personal sanctuary planting the seeds of hope pleasure principle plug into your power positive memory recall positive thinking post-divorce gratitude power play pp moment pray for peace prioritize your time procrastination psychology today putting fear aside quiet mind quiet time racial justice racism raising children ready to recieve recalibration recall recycle redefining the future reduce regrets relationships relationships & communication relaxation relaxation technique remove the stigma renovators & rescuers repurposing resentment resolutions respecting differences respond rather than react reuse sadness sadness is a verb salsa dancing same wavelength saving money saying goodbye scam second hand stress self-acceptance self-care self-esteem self-expression self-loathing #mygirlfriendvoice self-support system self-talk selfcare sense of humor setting intentions shame shedding limitations shelter in place simplify sisters of another mother sitting with discomfort smother and hover social obligations solo travel soul sisters of solace speak your truth spelling bee stay at home order stigma stop complaining stop the nonsense stop the stigma stress stress busters stress management stressfree struggling struggling accelerates growth subscribe substanceusedisorder sud super hero powers support surrender taboo take my advice talk back to negativity tall poppy syndrome texting while angry the 5 c's the conscous kid the fear factor the four agreements the happy truck the inner critic the office party the single life the soul the voices in my head theemotionalrollercoaster think positive this too shall pass thoughts matter three gifts to share with friends and strangers time for change too many parties too little time toxic thinking treat yourself triggers & the inner critic trust turning 50 turning shit into sunshine twa unemployed unplug unsolicted advice use your voice v is for vulnerability valerie frankel visualization volunteer vulnerability warrior woman ; responding from a place of power website launch wellness what you feed gets stronger what's the worst thing that can happen? white privilege will you have regrets? wisdom wishes for my kids women unite word association words are weapons too wounded healer writing wtf you are a fierce warrior! you are good enough you are the only one responsible for your life you have everything you need right now your inner critic your intuition your voice is your power yummy goes to crummy