The latest cover of Psychology Today says “Your Inner Voice; How to Talk to Yourself and Why it Matters”. I feel so validated! My Girlfriend Voice is my Inner Voice—the positive inner voice—she keeps me safe and sane. She helps drowned out the cacophony of critical voices ruminating in the back corners of my mind. Can you believe there was no mention of me in the article? (LOL- I talk and laugh at myself! So there!)
One of the key findings in the article is that HOW you conduct your inner monologue influences the success level of the tool. It says in lieu of using “I”, let your inner voice call you by name, i.e. “Caramia, you need to give yourself the same compassion you give to others.” The work of Dr. Ethan Kross cites that when you personalize the message in this way, there is a higher level of confidence and successful performance. The why of how of his theory is well worth the read. (June 2015 issue)
After a particularly stressful weekend, I chose to spend Sunday afternoon following my own advice. I happy to say I’ve made the transition from THINKING about what is good for me to actually DOING what is good for me. MGV advised me to sit with my emotions and cry it out, jot down my thoughts whether they made sense or not and finally, do something creative. I was thankful she didn’t say go exercise so I got out my art supplies before she changed her mind!
At the dementia center where I volunteer, I heard myself saying that I wasn’t an artist like my brother and father. A woman asked me how I knew I couldn’t draw if I had never tried? This is one of those moments when I think the voice of an angel is channeling through a mortal being. Truth being I don’t really know. I considered myself a failure without ever trying!
Back to my pencil and paper. If I created a visual image for My Girlfriend Voice, what would she look like?
I know MGV is a colorful, free spirited soul. She has big eyes and an easy smile. Of course she has good hair and great personal style. Applying my vision to paper is a dizzyingly curious and delightful exercise. I’m getting lost in the process!
What does your Girlfriend Voice look like? Please describe her for me! Post her picture…. I promise to post my creation both here and on our Facebook page once I find her. The image I posted today titled. “Find Yourself,” is innocent yet hauntingly wise and she reminds me that we often put on one face publicly while hiding the face of our authentic self. Sometimes we don’t know who she is and sometimes we don’t like who we are. A whole blog topic in itself!
In closing, Lisa M. Hayes said it beautifully. “Be careful how you talk to yourself because you are listening!”
From the heart,
It’s 4pm and I just discovered I have been wearing my shirt backwards all day! I’m actually pleased. I’ve turned it around and now the little dribble from lunch rests comfortably out of sight. By the way, one time I purposely wore my pants backwards for a better fit—you’ve got to work with what you’ve got, Girlfriend!
There is something about school starting in September that makes me reflect on friendship. As a kid I was never part of the popular group but I felt blessed to have a core posse of pretty cool gals. I tried to tell myself that smart was much cooler than popular but as a teenager, I think it is much easier to say than do! Certainly we know that the QUALITY of a friend is far more important than the QUANTITY but let’s dive a bit deeper. Here is my attempt to stratify gal pals types into five categories. (Just a note about me: I hate long lists. No one wants to read more than five things. Who can remember past number five anyway!)
The “A” lister girlfriends. The theme of my recent brunch was “Smart women love good company”. Doesn’t this phrase say it all? From the Smart Women Company website: “Smart Women (items) express the wit, intelligence, and smarts applied to the everyday experiences of extraordinary women. Smart is about making choices andmaking do; making amends and mending your socks. We know smart when we see it and when we feel it.” Amen! It isn’t about being BOOK smart—it is about being LIFE smart. Surrounding yourself with like-minded, confident gals fuels your creativity and emotional well being. There is equal give and take and never any competition. These are your go-to –girls for advice and amusement. The friends you can call at 2am. You can laugh and cry together.
The “B” friends. While I won’t call this friend at 2am, I will call her when I am ready for fun! Will she be there if I really need her during a rough emotional patch? I’ll give her the benefit of the doubt that she cares about me because otherwise I don’t think we would be spending time together, but it may be that she doesn’t have the emotional sensitivity to know when I needing help. Or very likely, she requires a healthy level of telepathy because I don’t tell her that I need help! Some people are uncomfortable when it comes to giving support and there are a number of reasons why–worthy of another blog!
One important lesson is learning to recognize who is NOT your friend.
The “C” friends. These are the ladies you see around but it is hard to talk about anything more substantial than the weather. Little substance. This is not to say...