The Premeditation Game
I love word games. How many words can you make from the letters found in the word “EXPECTATIONS”? I’ll get you started with a few: pectin, cape, exact, noise. Here is one I bet you didn’t guess, “RESENTMENT”. Is the saying true that, “expectations are premeditated resentment”? I hadn’t heard this phrase before today so I decided it was time for a little research and then what I love to do best, tell you a story.
ME: First of all, I have to admit I am a bit confused about something. Isn’t it normal to have expectations?
The blond: “It’s a given—you are born with expectations. If I expect to be disappointed, I am usually disappointed. I like to go into a situation knowing what I am going to get out of it. Not that I am a control freak or anything.”
ME: Well, this is depressing. Where is the spontaneity or the fun? Negative thoughts lead to negative actions; a self-fulfilling prophecy. I either consciously or subconsciously influence you (and myself) to behave in a way that confirms my prediction. Another human tendency—-wanting to be right!
The blonder: “What? “
ME: OK, I will let go of my negative expectations but why can’t I hold on to the positive expectations? I will influence you in a positive way, right?
Yoga girl: “It’s complicated. You can’t control another person (as much as I have tried this is true) but it has been proven that if teachers make a student feel competent, they will perform better. Focus on what you can contribute rather than what you will receive. Encourage the behavior you want to see and let go of the outcome.
ME: Let go of what? This is a whole other subject but I am starting to see that holding any expectation is a set up. OK, I will not hold on to any negative or positive expectations. Is this what enlightened grownups are supposed to do?
Salvation Army man: “Why not just be thankful, pretty lady?”
ME: Now we’re getting somewhere. Rather than setting expectations, I need to find my gratitude. Everything I need is here and now. (Oh geez, I sound like a Hallmark card!) Can I really replace expectations with gratitude?
New Mom: “I am not sure but I did put a cute sign on my front door that says, “Leave your shoes and bad attitude outside.”
ME: I believe I have confirmed that holding expectations lead to a multitude of negative feelings including resentment. Rather than wishing for a behavior or outcome, I will simply enjoy the moment. I’ll find something to appreciate rather than judge. I’ll ease into the present moment, taking what I like and leaving the...
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how will people remember you? humor i am i am a human washing machine i am a work of art. i don't care what you think i eve everything you think i see you i will be heard. i will be seen. if you're happy and you know it thank your ex inclusion inner critic inner mentor inner voice integrity invite happiness to linger isolation it takes courage to be you it's a good thing i like you it's ok to cry judgment kaleidoscope karen schlaegel kindness labor of love laugh at yourself laughter learning from the past leave your comfort zone leaving your comfort zone lessie miller letting go letting go of expectations letting go of the past letting the past go life after divorce life is short light up the room limit your negative thinking living authentically living in the moment living in yesterday living on contingency lmao looking back to where i began looking forward to my future lortnoc loss of a parent love love me outloud love mom love yourself-no great gift low self-esteem manage your inner critic manifesting manifesto men mental fitness mental wellness middleaged bodies mind maintenance mindfulness practice mindset matters modeling good behavior moms and daughters monkey mind more than a pretty face mothers mother’s and daughters mother’s day move it! moving on after divorce mr. rogers my girlfriend voice my letting go ceremony my own worst critic my tank ran dry mystical machu picchu need for control need to vent negative thinking new beginnings new orleans new year new you no blame games no regrets not good enough nothing more badass than loving who you are numbing older and wiser on-line dating opiodcrisis opposites attract our new normal outsourcing discomfort overachiever overwelmed parenting parents patience pause pause and prioritize pausing for poise perfectionism perfectly imperfect badass periscope personal power personal responsibility personal sanctuary planting the seeds of hope pleasure principle plug into your power positive memory recall positive thinking post-divorce gratitude power play pp moment pray for peace prioritize your time procrastination psychology today putting fear aside quiet mind quiet time racial justice racism raising children ready to recieve recalibration recall recycle redefining the future reduce regrets relationships relationships & communication relaxation relaxation technique remove the stigma renovators & rescuers repurposing resentment resolutions respecting differences respond rather than react reuse sadness sadness is a verb salsa dancing same wavelength saving money saying goodbye scam second hand stress self-acceptance self-care self-esteem self-expression self-loathing #mygirlfriendvoice self-support system self-talk selfcare sense of humor setting intentions shame shedding limitations shelter in place simplify sisters of another mother sitting with discomfort smother and hover social obligations solo travel soul sisters of solace speak your truth spelling bee stay at home order stigma stop complaining stop the nonsense stop the stigma stress stress busters stress management stressfree struggling struggling accelerates growth subscribe substanceusedisorder sud super hero powers support surrender taboo take my advice talk back to negativity tall poppy syndrome texting while angry the 5 c's the conscous kid the fear factor the four agreements the happy truck the inner critic the office party the single life the soul the voices in my head theemotionalrollercoaster think positive this too shall pass thoughts matter three gifts to share with friends and strangers time for change too many parties too little time toxic thinking treat yourself triggers & the inner critic trust turning 50 turning shit into sunshine twa unemployed unplug unsolicted advice use your voice v is for vulnerability valerie frankel visualization volunteer vulnerability warrior woman ; responding from a place of power website launch wellness what you feed gets stronger what's the worst thing that can happen? white privilege will you have regrets? wisdom wishes for my kids women unite word association words are weapons too wounded healer writing wtf you are a fierce warrior! you are good enough you are the only one responsible for your life you have everything you need right now your inner critic your intuition your voice is your power yummy goes to crummy