Mirror, mirror on the wall, who is the most self-critical of them all? Me, me, me!!!
Recently I was asked if I would emcee a local event. What may be a frightening role to many, lands me well within my comfort zone. I really shine in this capacity, thank you to my high school teacher and acting coach Mr. Bashara. I have deeper fears than public speaking but that is whole nuther ball of wax!
Besides, this was an opportunity to dress up and talk to people– two of my favorite activities. My dance group was asked to perform a salsa number at the same event and it was my first time dancing with the team. I may have “Broadway in my blood” but a sparkle bra and choreography tends to knock me a few feet outside of my comfort zone! Oddly I am perfectly comfortable in a solo but group choreography is where the rubber hits the road. Turn the wrong way and everyone knows!
Now if you are going to dance in front of people, I highly recommend wearing a sparkle bra! I felt like my bra gave me “super powers”, which unfortunately did not translate to my feet but did help fuel my DD’s; my Diva-tude Demeanor”! This was part of our costume – to be worn under a sheer blouse. Ok, I admit that it was my idea to make it part of the costume! Go big or go home.
I have always loved acting and perhaps this is one of the reasons I can sell myself. Whoa people– not in the literal sense! I am strictly speaking in metaphors!! I appear super confident and charming and on the outside with Teflon coated nerves. WTF, I just realized I could be describing myself AND a sociopath! Rest assured I am not a sociopath. I care far too much for myself, I mean others, to be labeled this way.
My acting skills allowed me to play the part of a happy person for years. Even my closest friends had no idea that I was struggling with depression. Had they opened my chest, (again, metaphorically as my friends are not creepy like that!) they would have seen my broken heart covered with deep wounds and necrotic tissue. Today those scars have healed and they take up far less space than they did ten years ago. The necrosis has reversed and my heart shines with resilience. What may surprise you are the tiny tender bruises of new injuries; those that I inflict upon myself every time I believe what critical voice has to say.
Yes, my friends. Words are weapons, especially when they originate from your inner critic. So less than twelve hours after a spectacular success, I looked at my photos and felt run over by negative imagery. I laser focused toward the part of me I hate the most, my belly and thought, “You look like you are about to birth twenty two kittens. Who in the hell let me go out there without any Spanx????”
My Girlfriend Voice was silent. I knew...
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how will people remember you? humor i am i am a human washing machine i am a work of art. i don't care what you think i eve everything you think i see you i will be heard. i will be seen. if you're happy and you know it thank your ex inclusion inner critic inner mentor inner voice integrity invite happiness to linger isolation it takes courage to be you it's a good thing i like you it's ok to cry judgment kaleidoscope karen schlaegel kindness labor of love laugh at yourself laughter learning from the past leave your comfort zone leaving your comfort zone lessie miller letting go letting go of expectations letting go of the past letting the past go life after divorce life is short light up the room limit your negative thinking living authentically living in the moment living in yesterday living on contingency lmao looking back to where i began looking forward to my future lortnoc loss of a parent love love me outloud love mom love yourself-no great gift low self-esteem manage your inner critic manifesting manifesto men mental wellness mind maintenance mindset matters modeling good behavior moms and daughters monkey mind more than a pretty face mothers mother’s and daughters mother’s day move it! moving on after divorce mr. rogers my girlfriend voice my letting go ceremony my own worst critic my tank ran dry mystical machu picchu need for control need to vent negative thinking new beginnings new orleans new year new you no blame games no regrets not good enough nothing more badass than loving who you are numbing older and wiser on-line dating opiodcrisis opposites attract our new normal outsourcing discomfort overachiever overwelmed parenting parents patience pause pause and prioritize pausing for poise perfectionism perfectly imperfect badass periscope personal power personal responsibility personal sanctuary planting the seeds of hope pleasure principle plug into your power positive memory recall positive thinking post-divorce gratitude power play pp moment pray for peace prioritize your time procrastination psychology today putting fear aside quiet mind quiet time racial justice racism raising children ready to recieve recalibration recall recycle redefining the future reduce regrets relationships relationships & communication relaxation relaxation technique remove the stigma renovators & rescuers repurposing resentment resolutions respecting differences respond rather than react reuse sadness sadness is a verb salsa dancing same wavelength saving money saying goodbye scam second hand stress self-acceptance self-care self-esteem self-expression self-loathing #mygirlfriendvoice self-support system self-talk selfcare sense of humor setting intentions shame shedding limitations shelter in place simplify sisters of another mother sitting with discomfort smother and hover social obligations solo travel soul sisters of solace speak your truth spelling bee stay at home order stigma stop complaining stop the nonsense stop the stigma stress stress busters stress management stressfree struggling struggling accelerates growth subscribe substanceusedisorder sud super hero powers support surrender taboo take my advice talk back to negativity tall poppy syndrome texting while angry the 5 c's the conscous kid the fear factor the four agreements the happy truck the inner critic the office party the single life the soul the voices in my head theemotionalrollercoaster think positive this too shall pass thoughts matter three gifts to share with friends and strangers time for change too many parties too little time toxic thinking treat yourself triggers & the inner critic trust turning 50 turning shit into sunshine twa unemployed unplug unsolicted advice use your voice v is for vulnerability valerie frankel visualization volunteer vulnerability warrior woman ; responding from a place of power website launch wellness what you feed gets stronger what's the worst thing that can happen? white privilege will you have regrets? wisdom wishes for my kids women unite word association words are weapons too wounded healer writing wtf you are a fierce warrior! you are good enough you are the only one responsible for your life you have everything you need right now your inner critic your intuition your voice is your power yummy goes to crummy