Last fall what I affectionately refer to as my “Un-Divorce” finally became FINAL after a mere seven and a half year process. Initially I was jumping for joy and popping the bubbly because this Mama was hot to trot and ready to prowl! By December and contrary to what I thought was “normal”, I felt like I had been hit by a Mac truck. There were so many emotions seeping to the surface, then like a toddler they were whining for my undivided attention. Darkness surrounded me and I was breathless. I was speechless. Why were these emotions surfacing again and so intensely?
I surrendered to my grief.
Seventeen days of rain and the sappy movies on TV made me feel worse, you know the ones where the woman always finds her happily ever after? Her life gets tied up with a red ribbon in less than ninety minutes. Snotty nosed and spotty faced, the result of chronic ugly crying episodes, I left the safety of my couch only to restock the essentials; Cookies and Kleenex.
To add fuel to my emotional pyre, this was the first year neither one of my sons would be home for Christmas. Here is the visual…….No shower for three days, so I was sticky, snotty and spotty AND on a sugar rush. Not a very pretty picture, even in cute pajamas.
GRIEF….. Unless you have experienced divorce, you may not be able to understand how much it REALLY sucks. Divorce is on the list of the top five stressors in life (death, divorce, moving, job loss and serious illness). Not only was I struggling to get divorced for seven years, I moved three times, struggled with clinical depression and changed jobs twice after a lay off! And I might as well add the stress of being a Modern Day Mother. (Thank God I survived to bitch about this.)
(Thank God I survived to bitch about this.)
It is not like my “X” died – in fact in some ways that may be easier! I wouldn’t have to think about him with his new girlfriend or his white carpeted pied-a-terre. (actually the list is quite long but I restrained myself to the top two on my list!) My grief meant I was letting go of my happily ever after and facing the future alone.
My body vibrated with fear. Most of my critical voices are female but this one was definitely male. It bellowed, “Will you grow old alone? Will you ever find true love? Will your sons be impacted by the divorce and never have healthy relationships? You are pretty old to be starting over.” on and on an on…….
While treading the muddy waters of the last decade, I learned that two things would be important in order to keep myself healthy and my mind present.
- Give back—volunteer. Find a way to help others and practice kindness.
- Commit to self-care and not only cultivate “My Girlfriend Voice” but let her flourish!
Following MGV, I researched various types of...
CategoriesAll Categories #49thbirthday #accentuatethepositive #aclu #addictedtodrama #affirmations #ageless #ahamoment #airportstories #alistergirlfriends #allow #allpersonsarecreatedequal #antihate #askforhelp #beauty #begentle #beherenow #bekind #bepresent #bodypositive #brokenpeople #bruisedheart #celebrate #charlottesville #classiccara #climbingoutofdarkness #codependentrelationships #communication #empowerment #healthyrelationships #wecantallbethesame #communicationstrategies #communicationwithcoworkers #confidenceisbeautiful #consequencesofbeingyou #dontgiveupthefight #ihavearighttobeme #advocacy #resilience #opioidepidemic #fiercemama #consistentlycara #controleverythingenjoynothing #controlfreak #crackingmyselfupagain #doitmyway #doodleinstitute #emotionalexercise #emotionallyunavailable #emptynester #enablingbadbehavior #feardrivestheneedforcontrol #findyourhappy #findyourvoice #followyourdreams #forgiveforyoursake #forgiveyourself #fourtypesoffriends #friendshipdemystified #gentlegiant #giftgiving #givetime #gratitude #emotionalhealth #gratitudegains #groundedingratitude #happinesshasnoshelflife #happinessisachoice #happinessisaninsidejob #happynewyear #hatecrimes #hatersgonnahate #highonhope #holdingagrudge #humandecency #iamresponsibleformyhappiness #intersectionofvulerabilityandempowerment #itsoktosayno #leavingthecomfortzone #letgoofthepast #lettinggo #lisasonoraartist #doodledaily #listenin #liveinthemoment #loseyournegativity #lovingmyself #makenewfriends #maytheforcebewithyou #merntalhealth #mindbodyconnection #mrrogers #mygirlfriendvoice #mygirlfriendvoice #comingtotherescue #myhappinesslingers #mysuperpower #nami #newbeginnings #nomoretears #nonviolentcommunication #officepolitics #over50female #pauseforpoise #payitforward #peri10k #personalresponsibility #practicegratitude #questioneverything #quietpower #respondnotreact #riseup #seedsofhope #selfawareness #selfcare #selflove #setboundaries #shareasmile #shinebright #showappreciation #sittingindiscomfort #slowdown #soulsister #splc #stampoutstigma #starttheconversation #stopfuturetripping #stopthestigma #stressfultimes #takeatimeout\ #teachingmoment #cowardsmakememad #thebestgiftforanyone #theblamegame #theinnercritic #theriskisworththereward #thinkbig #thriftshopping #tomorrowisneverguaranteed #totalwellness #transformation #divorce #uncertainty #unity #vulnerabilityisthenewblack #wakeupgrateful #wardrobemalfunction #whiteprivilege #whodoyoucallat2am #wormycoward #wrapmeinreassurance #youarebeautiful #youcandoanything #youcanthaveitall #yummytocrummy 10 daily mantras for empowerment 10 minutes a day 4 questions 415-617-5291 4th grade fail 50th birthday a can of whoop ass a letter to my son a love letter to yourself a new way of being a positive mindset accentuate the positive accepting your divine gift addiction adversity advice advice & strategies affirmations ah hah moment anger seeds resentment anniversary celebration anti-racist anxiety art art journal art therapy attention seeking awareness barter battling the inner critic be the primary character in the story of your life. beautification beauty beauty myths becoming more visible being alone being present benefit of the doubt best version of myself bipoc birthday body and breath body positive body shaming brave doesn't have to be big bravely listen to your inner voice breath broke open broken heart building a community building inner wisdom cakeover cancer career catch you on the flip side good buddy! cbt celebrate diversity celebrate not celibate celebrating courage and resilience celebration change chasing validation checking in childhood memories choices choke under pressure christmas christmas parties clarity communication comparison queen compassion compelled to do more concealed weapons confessional confidence connection contentment coolville corona virus count your blessings courage courageous dialogue covid-19 cracking yourself up craig's list creating space dance darlene versak death decade of drama decorating delays depression is real destress developmentally different diamondeyes dirty laundry disabilities distractions diversity divorce divorced with kids do gooders do people change? don miguel ruiz don't bottle up your emotions don't quit don’t be drama queen eliminate stress embrace uncertainty emotional awareness emotional baggage emotional cleanse emotional cleansing emotional exits emotional recalibration emotional rollercoaster emotionally unavailable emotions emotions & emotional inventory empowerment end of the year review endhate equity ericadams1970 excuses expansion fabulous family fashion over 50 father's day fear fear disguised as control fear holds you hostage fear is holding you back fear of failure fed up feel it all feeling expansive feeling optimistic feelings find your voice find yourself finding beauty finding beauty everywhere finding confidence finding gratitude in the moment finding your power fine wine fixer upper relationships focused on the truth forgiveness fracles free advice free gift friendship from me to you fun garbage in garbage out gardening general girl power girlfriend chats girly girl glass ceiling go with the flow goals god box gratitude gratitude list grief grudge guarantee guest blogger guest bloggers guide for a good life guided meditation happiness happiness is my responsibility happy birthday hate free hate my body hater haters gonna hate having it all healthy boundaries heart of a warrior woman helicopter parents high school reunion holiday stress honesty hope housekeeping how big is your brave? how will people remember you? humor i am i am a human washing machine i am a work of art. i don't care what you think i eve everything you think i see you i will be heard. i will be seen. if you're happy and you know it thank your ex inclusion inner critic inner mentor inner voice integrity invite happiness to linger isolation it takes courage to be you it's a good thing i like you it's ok to cry judgment kaleidoscope karen schlaegel kindness labor of love laugh at yourself laughter learning from the past leave your comfort zone leaving your comfort zone lessie miller letting go letting go of expectations letting go of the past letting the past go life after divorce life is short light up the room limit your negative thinking living authentically living in the moment living in yesterday living on contingency lmao looking back to where i began looking forward to my future lortnoc loss of a parent love love me outloud love mom love yourself-no great gift low self-esteem manage your inner critic manifesting manifesto men mental fitness mental wellness middleaged bodies mind maintenance mindfulness practice mindset matters modeling good behavior moms and daughters monkey mind more than a pretty face mothers mother’s and daughters mother’s day move it! moving on after divorce mr. rogers my girlfriend voice my letting go ceremony my own worst critic my tank ran dry mystical machu picchu need for control need to vent negative thinking new beginnings new orleans new year new you no blame games no regrets not good enough nothing more badass than loving who you are numbing older and wiser on-line dating opiodcrisis opposites attract our new normal outsourcing discomfort overachiever overwelmed parenting parents patience pause pause and prioritize pausing for poise perfectionism perfectly imperfect badass periscope personal power personal responsibility personal sanctuary planting the seeds of hope pleasure principle plug into your power positive memory recall positive thinking post-divorce gratitude power play pp moment pray for peace prioritize your time procrastination psychology today putting fear aside quiet mind quiet time racial justice racism raising children ready to recieve recalibration recall recycle redefining the future reduce regrets relationships relationships & communication relaxation relaxation technique remove the stigma renovators & rescuers repurposing resentment resolutions respecting differences respond rather than react reuse sadness sadness is a verb salsa dancing same wavelength saving money saying goodbye scam second hand stress self-acceptance self-care self-esteem self-expression self-loathing #mygirlfriendvoice self-support system self-talk selfcare sense of humor setting intentions shame shedding limitations shelter in place simplify sisters of another mother sitting with discomfort smother and hover social obligations solo travel soul sisters of solace speak your truth spelling bee stay at home order stigma stop complaining stop the nonsense stop the stigma stress stress busters stress management stressfree struggling struggling accelerates growth subscribe substanceusedisorder sud super hero powers support surrender taboo take my advice talk back to negativity tall poppy syndrome texting while angry the 5 c's the conscous kid the fear factor the four agreements the happy truck the inner critic the office party the single life the soul the voices in my head theemotionalrollercoaster think positive this too shall pass thoughts matter three gifts to share with friends and strangers time for change too many parties too little time toxic thinking treat yourself triggers & the inner critic trust turning 50 turning shit into sunshine twa unemployed unplug unsolicted advice use your voice v is for vulnerability valerie frankel visualization volunteer vulnerability warrior woman ; responding from a place of power website launch wellness what you feed gets stronger what's the worst thing that can happen? white privilege will you have regrets? wisdom wishes for my kids women unite word association words are weapons too wounded healer writing wtf you are a fierce warrior! you are good enough you are the only one responsible for your life you have everything you need right now your inner critic your intuition your voice is your power yummy goes to crummy