She’s Baaaaack!!

confidence general not good enough talk back to negativity

I’ve worked in sales for twenty years so I am used to rejection. I audition for voice over gigs almost daily. It is uber competitive. Again, I am used to rejection. I celebrate the process—I really do!

Now I am experiencing rejection in another dimension, my love life. It sucks big time.

First let me vent. If you use an on-line dating service and someone takes the time to write you an email, please respond EVEN IF it is to say no thank you. I can’t believe that these guys have hundreds of responses to wade through. Where are people’s manners? Thank you.  I feel better now.

I took the plunge and expressed interest in a man and after an incredible first date, we still haven’t connected for our second date.   There is a steady stream of texts assuring me of his interest.

“Maybe you are just not that appealing to him, you know or maybe he already has a girlfriend?” WTF? These are the words of an old voice, but a voice new to this blog. Let me introduce you to Nikki Not Good Enough. She is perfect in every way–it is me that is not good enough. I thought I left her behind at a previous address but she’s baaaaaaaack!

Yes. Nikki Not Good Enough is an old acquaintance. She’s quite familiar as we spent the first forty years of my life together. My Girlfriend Voice taught me a new strategy for dealing with her and for Perky Penny Perfectionist and all those other “biatches” that haunt my head. I talk back.

“Well, Nikki, at least I recognize my discomfort. That’s progress! Am I sulking and hopeless waiting on a man? Hell no!” I shake my fist triumphantly in the air!

“Now let’s look at Mr. Chemistry. He did say he would be available to date in March and it is only the 11th. I told him to call me when he was ready and available. If he doesn’t call then it is his loss. So Nikki, I am in perfect control of this situation. “

She says, “Well if he was really in to you he would make the time.”

Ouch. The thought had crossed my mind.

I calmly reply, “I am not going to read into anyone’s behavior but my own. This is what I control. This is what I own.”

I see a pattern here. The two men I had long term relationships with were dependent on my loving care and attention but they were incapable of reciprocating. Last fall I fell hard for someone who turned out was still in a long distance relationship.

It is really no surprise that I am triggered to feel less than good enough in the dating scene. I have been the giver and not the receiver. At fifty and fabulous, this is going to stop. If Mr. Chemistry does come a calling, I will trust MGV to guide me and by the way, Nikki– you can go now!  Bye bye.

From the heart,