Perfectly Imperfect Badass

#mygirlfriendvoice advice & strategies emotions & emotional inventory empowerment finding confidence love yourself-no great gift mindset matters nothing more badass than loving who you are perfectly imperfect badass triggers & the inner critic

Perfectly Imperfect Badass

The thrill is in the hunt and the hunt I am referring to is treasure hunting for goodies at art fairs and thrift shops.  I scored last weekend when I found a lovely handmade necklace.  Here is the cool part.  The delicate silver chain supports a tiny rectangle that says BADASS.  It doesn’t scream BADASS because the word is stamped in Braille.  I can wear it 24/7 and not offend anyone; unless you are blind and happen to have your hands around my neck.  I am giddy about my secret moniker which serves as a personal reminder that I am enough.  I am powerful.  I am a BADASS! 

Badass sounds great but what I am really describing is confidence. Necklace or not, a confident woman is comfortable in her own skin and defines her personal sense of style.  She definitely is in touch with what she desires and takes action toward her goals.  She colors inside and outside of the lines!  Confident women face their fears while oozing positive energy.

A confident woman appreciates external validation and achievements but she is not dependent upon them. She communicates her power with her walk and her smile.  You sense her before you hear her speak.

How do you find your confidence?  Confidence is built from self-love.  You confidence reservoir is ready to be filled!

  1. Make a list of your positive attributes. It doesn’t matter if there is only one thing on your list.  Start there.  Then love the heck out of that part of you.    Celebrate your strengths.  Be grateful.
  2. Post a note on the bathroom mirror reminding you that you are an exceptional human.  Set a daily alarm to remind you of your strengths at least once a day.
  3. Be aware of how you speak to yourself. If you tell yourself you are a loser, you are going to believe you are a loser.   Often we speak to ourselves so harshly, much more harshly than we would speak to a friend.  The Tiny Talk demons (critical voices) can bring out the worst in anyone.

Confidence ebbs and flows.  You can have confidence in some areas of your life, like on the job, and not in others, like with dating.   Confidence is a belief in your abilities which is validated by experience.

If you met me you’d likely say I was one of the most confident women you’d ever meet.  Yes, I am very confident but I bet you didn’t guess I was also one of the most self-critical women you’d ever meet?  My Tiny Talk is dominated with the voice that picks me apart like vultures on fresh road kill.  I’ve become “Oscar-worthy” when it comes to acting like nothing bothers me but actually, I am quite sensitive.  I like to use visual reminders that I am worthy so if a necklace reminds me that I am an awesome then so be it.  Simple strategies are good strategies.

But I blame the necklace for what happened next……

My Badass was in overdrive and I felt empowered to start making some changes.  First up was telling my therapist that we needed to break up or at least break up half way.  Things have been going so well in my life that I thought it was no longer necessary to meet with her on a weekly basis.  Why not free her up for people with” real problems”??  We could meet every other week to touch base.

[Pregnant pause]

I wish you could have seen the look on her face!!!  If I were to fill in the thought bubble above her head it would have said, “She is definitely crazy to think she doesn’t have any problems!!”

[The pause continues.  The silence is killing me!]

I create another thought bubble. “She can’t go very long without a crisis.  She’ll be back!!”

What she actually said is, “Why do you have to have problems to attend therapy?” 

I paused.  This is a really good question.  (But I prefer to be the one asking the questions!!) Honestly I just assumed that is the way therapy works.  I don’t see anyone on the Bravo Channel laughing and hugging their therapist!   Then there is that insurance thing that limits you to so many sessions unless you are “sick”.  Therapy fixes what is broken.  I don’t know of anyone who goes to therapy unless they are struggling.

My perception of therapy is what is broken.  People are not broken!  We are perfectly imperfect.  Our brains focus on the negative which comes from a primal response to keep us alive, but our anxiety and fear amplify the negative thoughts.  So we relive the negative, disappointing times in our life far more often than Macy’s has a special sale.  We repeat the bad stories crowding out the positive ones. (stay tuned for another blog which explores this topic in detail!)

If you grouped our daily thoughts into categories, it would look like this:

  • 40% negative; like hate, anger, jealousy, judgment, resentful, fearful, unhappy, self-critical
  • 40% wasted; worrying about the future, regretting the past, gossiping, over-analyzing
  • 15% necessary; time to go to work, I need to get groceries
  • 5% positive, YES ONLY 5%

There is plenty of room to shift our thinking toward the positive!

To help me shift toward the positive, I will continue to see my therapist weekly and celebrate whatever is going on in my life; when I am happy and even when I am uncomfortable.  (discomfort = opportunity for growth).  Celebrating my success, even the smallest ones, offers three major benefits:

  1. My brain begins to retain more positive memories.
  2. I am encouraged to seek out more positive feelings; to amplify the positive.
  3. It replenishes my confidence reservoir.

Badass people make mistakes but not trying something new is worse than any failure.

Badass people adapt.  No rigid thinking.

Badass people embrace the truth.  All cards on the table.

Badass people surrender to what is not in their control.

There is nothing more Badass than loving yourself.  Are you ready to nourish the Badass potential in you?  It is within reach. Be it.  Believe it.  Fill your self-love reservoir and watch the rewards multiply!  Share your Badass comments!

From the heart,