Don’t Go Changing to Try to Please Me…addiction advice & strategies change do people change? goals mindset matters new year new you relationships & communication resolutions sud
"It’s January and everyone is talking about what needs to change as if nothing is good enough; as if I am not good enough. What if I like the way things are? Is there something wrong with me?
Last Saturday, it dawned on me that there are many parts of my life that feel really good. I feel stable, aligned…… solid! I’m content. But I kept hearing everyone talking about the changes they should make like….
- Change now and earn more money.
- Change now and find love.
- Change now and lose 50 lbs!
- Change now and never feel sad again.
I can’t say that I’ve ever started a new year feeling as positive as I am right now. My tendency is to pick apart any accomplishment crediting “I was just lucky” instead of honoring my effort. And my “gap analysis” of what didn’t get done in 2019 is far more focused on what fell short or is lacking more than any progress or success.
Of course there are things I want to change in 2020! I have a mindset that enjoys continuous improvement. This is very different than coming from a mindset of criticism and punishment. For instance,
- I bought a standing desk so I am not as sedentary on office days
- I will increase my awareness to catch myself anytime I feel resistance and then PAUSE; become curious instead of critical.
- I’d will be healthier which includes healthy food choices, weight loss and movement.
And there are things that I won’t change like how I align myself with positive people, laugh too loud and wear pajamas as much as possible!
" What is really clear is that change has to come from an internal place; a decision that I myself make and a process I manage. I’ll be my own boss, Baby! You can stay in your own lane!
A request for you to change which is really an ultimatum. Nope. Doesn’t feel very good on the receiving end plus it’s great fuel for ongoing resentment.
A request for you to change as the result of unsolicited advice. No way.
A request for you to change so you “fit in better” or join the popular crowd is also really unacceptable. Uniqueness is a gift.
"Any request for you to change is not going to be successful unless you buy into the benefit of the change. The motivation must come from within; from the place of clear choice.
I’ve spent years wishing, suggesting and threatening my son to change. He has a substance use disorder and I cannot control him or his disease. Talk about sobering! There has been both a physical and mental not to mention financial toll which threatened my own health and sanity. It’s taken me thirteen years to understand that all I can do is love my son and equally love myself while practicing healthy boundaries.
So in closing, remember that you have the ultimate right and responsibility AND CHOICE regarding change. Go out and live large; change or no change required. You are a beautiful human. Don’t forget to use your Girlfriend Voice!
From the heart,
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don miguel ruiz don't bottle up your emotions don't quit don’t be drama queen eliminate stress embrace uncertainty emotional awareness emotional baggage emotional cleanse emotional cleansing emotional exits emotional recalibration emotional rollercoaster emotionally unavailable emotions emotions & emotional inventory empowerment end of the year review endhate equity ericadams1970 excuses expansion fabulous family fashion over 50 father's day fear fear disguised as control fear holds you hostage fear is holding you back fear of failure fed up feel it all feeling expansive feeling optimistic feelings find your voice find yourself finding beauty finding beauty everywhere finding confidence finding gratitude in the moment finding your power fine wine fixer upper relationships focused on the truth forgiveness fracles free advice free gift friendship from me to you fun garbage in garbage out gardening general girl power girlfriend chats girly girl glass ceiling go with the flow goals god box gratitude gratitude list grief grudge guarantee guest blogger guest bloggers guide for a good life guided meditation happiness happiness is my responsibility happy birthday hate free hate my body hater haters gonna hate having it all healthy boundaries heart of a warrior woman helicopter parents high school reunion holiday stress honesty hope housekeeping how big is your brave? how will people remember you? humor i am i am a human washing machine i am a work of art. i don't care what you think i eve everything you think i see you i will be heard. i will be seen. if you're happy and you know it thank your ex inclusion inner critic inner mentor inner voice integrity invite happiness to linger isolation it takes courage to be you it's a good thing i like you it's ok to cry judgment kaleidoscope karen schlaegel kindness labor of love laugh at yourself laughter learning from the past leave your comfort zone leaving your comfort zone lessie miller letting go letting go of expectations letting go of the past letting the past go life after divorce life is short light up the room limit your negative thinking living authentically living in the moment living in yesterday living on contingency lmao looking back to where i began looking forward to my future lortnoc loss of a parent love love me outloud love mom love yourself-no great gift low self-esteem manage your inner critic manifesting manifesto men mental fitness mental wellness middleaged bodies mind maintenance mindfulness practice mindset matters modeling good behavior moms and daughters monkey mind more than a pretty face mothers mother’s and daughters mother’s day move it! moving on after divorce mr. rogers my girlfriend voice my letting go ceremony my own worst critic my tank ran dry mystical machu picchu need for control need to vent negative thinking new beginnings new orleans new year new you no blame games no regrets not good enough nothing more badass than loving who you are numbing older and wiser on-line dating opiodcrisis opposites attract our new normal outsourcing discomfort overachiever overwelmed parenting parents patience pause pause and prioritize pausing for poise perfectionism perfectly imperfect badass periscope personal power personal responsibility personal sanctuary planting the seeds of hope pleasure principle plug into your power positive memory recall positive thinking post-divorce gratitude power play pp moment pray for peace prioritize your time procrastination psychology today putting fear aside quiet mind quiet time racial justice racism raising children ready to recieve recalibration recall recycle redefining the future reduce regrets relationships relationships & communication relaxation relaxation technique remove the stigma renovators & rescuers repurposing resentment resolutions respecting differences respond rather than react reuse sadness sadness is a verb salsa dancing same wavelength saving money saying goodbye scam second hand stress self-acceptance self-care self-esteem self-expression self-loathing #mygirlfriendvoice self-support system self-talk selfcare sense of humor setting intentions shame shedding limitations shelter in place simplify sisters of another mother sitting with discomfort smother and hover social obligations solo travel soul sisters of solace speak your truth spelling bee stay at home order stigma stop complaining stop the nonsense stop the stigma stress stress busters stress management stressfree struggling struggling accelerates growth subscribe substanceusedisorder sud super hero powers support surrender taboo take my advice talk back to negativity tall poppy syndrome texting while angry the 5 c's the conscous kid the fear factor the four agreements the happy truck the inner critic the office party the single life the soul the voices in my head theemotionalrollercoaster think positive this too shall pass thoughts matter three gifts to share with friends and strangers time for change too many parties too little time toxic thinking treat yourself triggers & the inner critic trust turning 50 turning shit into sunshine twa unemployed unplug unsolicted advice use your voice v is for vulnerability valerie frankel visualization volunteer vulnerability warrior woman ; responding from a place of power website launch wellness what you feed gets stronger what's the worst thing that can happen? 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